There are moments when you feel low and down, and there are days at stretch when you feel just that. I suddenly have this overwhelming need to have people around me. How many...I don't know and who...I still need to figure out. Naah...not that people have boycotted me or something, but just that everyone has got too busy with their own lives and that too... all of them together. A very dear friend tried to cheer me up the other day with all possible ideas and there I was ...talking like a complete cynic about any and every suggestion he made. But you know what, that's how I am at times - completely crazy and difficult!!!! Though I know for sure that there's something missing somewhere or is that just my imagination going haywire again!
Aah...that would be too much of a psychological study of myself right now. I am really good (...or so I think) when it comes to dealing with friends' issues and problems...but when it comes to my own, I am a complete dud! No...don't get me wrong. I do not want support or advices. In fact, I'll just not talk to those who try to do that. All I'd want then is to vent out, then get some clarity and then decide the next step! Isn't that so simply simple :) ? Now the problem is that you rarely have people who will let you speak your heart out without 1) interrupting, 2) advising, 3) being judgemental... or worse 4) all of that!!
Now imagine.... a friend pouring her heart out to me and I go on to tell her that whatever she is saying or feeling is absurd or maybe just go on with my dadimaa lecture! Not that I am not capable of advising, but will never do it unless asked for! You need a shoulder, I'll be there.... you need to cry, I'll wipe your tears and may be provide extra tissues also....and when you just need an ear to listen, I'll do only that. (Am I not sounding like a too-good-to-be-believed kind of person!)
Having said all that, I still feel terribly miserable (what a word!!!). All my plans are going down the drain, all my friends are busy - one is busy with her job, the other one is getting engaged this weekend, others are either working or in their home towns. I now feel that I should have had more friends, or better, I should have made the efforts to be in touch with more friends. It's always been this small cozy world I revelled in! I feel sorry now...for myself! And I am missing all those who were always around me and have now moved on with their lives.
Trying to figure out a fix for this, I am back to something I always enjoyed - reading! And with the number of books in my hands currently seem to fuel the urge to savour them soonest possible. I'm on 'Life is Perfect' right now... after completing Almost Single. Guess would have liked it better if I hadn't read Almost Single. Soon after this, I am starting with the Twilight series. Or wait, I think I'll first read the latest Ruskin Bonds I got myself... there are two of them and will sure not take more than a couple of days.
However, I am sceptic...will all this reading actually help or make me more aloof from my surroundings and people? Guess I am only thinking way too much and that this is just a phase. Well, you'd also see a hike in my posts here during this phase as writing then becomes my only refuge. Don't worry, I'll not bore you to death with my oh-so-lonely posts! Urgghhh...going on the same lines all over again!!!
I guess I need a break from myself! Will need to figure out what to do. Till then, take care and stay precious and enjoy all the holidays coming our way :)