Neha
There is a tune in the air.... a humming in the surrounding....a song in my heart....and a mysterious smile on my lips. Everything seems to have regained its beauty. There is life around me and within me. There is a new zeal, a new quest to live.....to laugh......to love.

This year has given me the biggest gift. Only 12 days have passed and each of them has been a different experience. Each day has given me something. I will share what I got in these 12 days:

January 1 - A New Year. Started on a sad note. By afternoon, I felt my world had collapsed before me. Everything seemed void...futile.....senseless...even the very breath which indicated that I was still alive. One look into the mirror shook me. No...this cannot be me! I took hold of myself....got out of my home and went to Sai temple to find solace. God also eluded me that day. In queue for 3 hours, I could not get to the temple. All I knew, then, was I have to meet Him...anyhow...anywhere. I then went to the temple near my place. I held His feet and cried. And I saw God....I felt Him.....I then knew.....He is everywhere.

January 2 - I told myself - Come what may...I have to get a grip on myself. I went out.....leisurely roamed in markets throughout the day then met my Bhaiya and then a friend. I came back to my place.....I looked into the mirror again. I had made a new friend - Me. I have a company now, which I know will never leave my side.

January 3 - I went to my sister's. I spent time with my niece and nephew. Their innocent smiles, undeterred questions and permeating charm made me forget all my pains. I talked to them....played with them....laughed with them...effortlessly. These two children made me realize that I still had the child in me that laughed and played. I was laughing...genuinely.

January 4 - I went back to what I have always found a great stress buster - cooking. And I enjoyed it once again. I, then, knew that I had to make that effort. I have to help myself...no one else can. This realization gave me a new strength. I felt strong...once again.

January 5 - The big day! I had been fighting with myself till now. This day, I had to face the outside world....had to rejoin work. I was scared that my eyes will reveal everything. I reached office.....nervous....vulnerable. Suddenly, a voice within me said- The world will see what I show to them and what I show depends on me. I, then, recalled the confidence back in my stride. I promised that no one will know more than I want to share. I have a promise to keep....a promise that I will keep to myself.

January 6 - Days had to be normal again and I had to make them so. Manifesting fake or false was not the true me. I have to be happy to show it...I have to smile from within. Mirrors don't lie and my mirror showed me a face I didn't like. I forced a smile and the face smiled back at me. I did it again and got the same response. Whoa...I had done it. I had seen a pretty me...smiling again!

January 7 - I left home earlier than usual. Entered a bookshop and gifted myself 3 new books. I was happy. I didn't have to wait for someone to shower me with gifts. I can gift myself.... any day....anytime.

January 8 - I cried. And then I stood up, stronger and more confident. I shed tears again....for myself. I realized that my tears were actually washing away the illusion I had chosen to live in. They were silently taking away my pain. They, too, are my own....my friend.

January 9 - Another day for everyone else. A new day for me. A day that showed that life has a comical element and comic timing too. I SMSd to my sister - Life is not only sad...it's funny too. She replied - Yes it is and it's great if you have the ability to laugh at it. I smiled and then I laughed. I had that ability....it's there within me!

January 10 - Places and people bring back memories. You can run away from them...but for how long? I had the option to stay away from it, but I made my choice. I had to look that fear in the face...else it will not leave me. I went to the place...scared of being haunted with memories... fearful that those memories will break me again. But...that did not happen! I spent my time without any inhibitions. My strength did not forsake me.

January 11 - I met friends...friends who had and have always been with me. The day flew by. I came home and made a list of my friends. I surprised myself again. I was a rich person...for how many can boast of so many wonderful people as their friends? I can and I am proud of myself!

January 12 - I applied kajal in my eyes, smiled and I knew that I have fallen in love again! It is so evident and I'd be a fool to ignore it. I feel good.....I feel elated! And I know that now, I will never be betrayed or left to cry in pain. For who I love will not leave my side ever. I am in love with myself...the new Me!

These 12 days have transformed me and given me a new strength...a new perspective.... a new life. The life I felt was void is back in all its hues and colors. The confidence that had been shaken, the self-esteem that had taken a battering are restored. Now, when I look into the mirror, I see a person who I always wanted to become. And I know I love this person :)
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2 Responses
  1. G Says:

    I Tell u........u'll rock....U've been writing very....good. M feeling very good for...u....m actually proud of u...


  2. sporshita Says:

    Its "I" that is most important....then comes the rest..

    if I am not happy...i can't give happiness as well!!

    Take Care:)